Well he’s gone and I’ve made the decision the break up is permanent. I need to start off by being very clear about this. Chemotherapy is an invaluable tool in fighting cancer either killing it completely or providing some palliative relief. It’s wonderful stuff and this is just about my personal experience.

So it’s coming up for 2 weeks since I had what was supposed to be my first round of 5. As I mentioned last time I was wary. I knew what it had done to me last time including the most disruptive symptom mucositis. Not everyone gets it – I believe it’s round about 10% but it’s very unpleasant. A consultant I met on Tuesday told his students gathered round my bed that it was “like the patient has swallowed drain cleaner”. Said patient nodded vigorously. I was doing ok until this past weekend then one day I realised (with a little help) I couldn’t eat anything and more worryingly I couldn’t drink even a sip of water. My mouth and throat were too full of large painful blisters. Oh and I was being violently sick.

Late Monday night I finally relented that maybe I needed medical help as my strategy of sitting very still and not moving wasn’t working too well. I found myself in an ambulance to the local hospital and well I’m still here!

I’m on a drip and full of antibiotics, steroids, saline, anti sickness, vodka martini …. Oh no that’s right they won’t give me that one which seems a little mean. The blisters are going down and are now just small and vicious like little wasps so that any oral medicine still makes my eyes water a little.

Oh but I feel like I’ve started a new chapter. It’s scary to finally truly say that it’s pain relief only for the rest of this journey however long that may be but it’s also terribly liberating. So to my darling thug Vinnie the chemo I say thank you for trying sweetheart but you were too rough on this girl on this occasion. Go and help someone else – no regrets only gratitude here.

I can’t work out how to tag on this platform so I’ll do that when I get home. In the meantime gang may I offer you a sip of “delicious” nutritional supplement? No I’m only pulling a face because it’s so delightful. Go on just one sip I don’t have to have? Come baaaaack!!!!