I should have got you something. Vinnie – my Noo Yawk thuggish chemo pal, maybe a t-shirt with “hey, 5FU too fella” on it; Professor Zappy – my ver’ precise Cherman pal I am zinking maybe a new lab coat.
Both of you have probably forgotten about today. That’s ok – since me you’ve both made thousands of other people feel sick, sore and terrified but I haven’t forgotten you two.
Oh Vinnie, remember the laughs we had when you quickly announced your presence by making my favourite Marks & Spencer salmon and cucumber sandwiches taste disgusting? Then that time I’d walked to the Royal Free then taken the stairs and keeled over just outside the Chemo Suite and they had to bring the “wheelchair of shame”? The mouth ulcers? The hair loss? Yet you got me through last year – I imagine if you were here you’d give me an embarrassed pat on the back and say “whatchagonnado”.
Professor Zappy. I was always more scared of you. I expected you to be noisy but you weren’t; you were practically silent. I expected the burns to be like bad sunburn – they weren’t, they bled and made me howl. Yet you silently, painfully got on with your job. It was never emotional with you Professor Zappy whereas Vinny felt like he was going in all guns blazing.
So you’ve both got other things to think about now you two and the time you had with this girl are forgotten. I’ll never forget you though … and I know if I need you in the future you’ll come running.
A toast – raise your glasses please – Vinnie and Professor Zappie, I thank you from my heart.
And may they be banished from your presence forever more x